Spring Cleaning

Spring is here. It's time to take your yacht out of dry-dock, and have your crew ready her for opening day of the season. Blue sky, gourmet food, chicks in bikinis - I love the Bahamas in spring.

Well, ok, most of us aren't among the fortunate few who mark this week's calendar as the time to outfit our yachts for the coming warm weather. Yet, just as yachtsmen check their hull fittings and clean their bilges - or have some poor shmuck do it for them - now is the perfect time for us WheelchairJunkies to do some spring sprucing of our own (or have some poor shmuck do it for us) - getting our chairs into tip-top shape for the sunny season.

Whether you live in California or New York, or some place in-between, you've just gone through winter. Your chair probably looks like a '67 Chevy pickup owned by an Appalachian snake handler - covered from legrest t backrest in muck, mud, and mire. What's more, muck, mud, and mire have their ways of working into every nook, cranny, and bearing, dramatically decreasing your chair's performance and life span. As the young, baggy-pant kids on MTV say, "Dude, avoid the grindage."

To start your spring cleaning, grab a couple wet wash cloths (trust Uncle Mark-E, don't use the pretty pink ones your wife has hanging over the sink in the guest bathroom). Oh, and grab a twelve pack of beer, but don't start drinking yet. Begin by wiping off the surfaces of your chair - the frame, wheels, shrouding, forks, and so on. If you're like me, you'll likely find that your chair is a remarkably lighter shade of color than you recalled.

Alright, Beer one.

Once the main surfaces are wiped clean, you'll see how that muck, mud, and mire works its way into mounting areas. Among the areas most prone to grime-related wear are the casters and forks. With bearings in the casters and fork stem housings, grime is a destructive force that should be removed as soon as possible (that statement sounds a bit psychotic, doesn't it?). Remove the single nut atop the fork stem, and remove the fork. Chances are, you'll see a ring of grime where the fork seats against the bearing. Use a rag to wipe off the grit, but make sure it's a disposable one, as there's always a dose of grease mixed in (a practice I use when bathing, as well). Next, check the bearings. Spin the inner ring, and wiggle it a bit. If the bearings spin smoothly, void of globs of grease coming from the seals, they're good; if not, they need replacement.

Beer two.

While the forks are off, take a look at the caster axles. Being so close to the ground, caster axles and bearings are prone to collecting string and hair, which winds around the axles and seizes the bearings. If you find a rat's nest around your axles (hopefully not an entire rat, although it is possible), unbolt the caster and remove the tangle. The caster bearings should be wiped clean, as well as the inside of the fork. Place the axle bolt through the caster, and give it a spin. If the caster spins well, with no wobbling or grinding - avoid the grindage, dude! - then the bearings are good to go. If the bearings grind, drag, or feel loose, then they need replacing. Also, check your caster tires - look for warn tread and deformations, replacing the tires if worn (if you cannot find the tires, then they definitely need replacement, or you're on more than your second beer). Lastly, spray a little lubricant on your axle and fork stem bolts so they seat easier in the bearings.

Beer three.

Assuming you've replaced your front-end components as needed - or at least made a list of needed repairs to give your provider - turn your attention to the batteries, if sprucing a powerchair. Open the battery compartment, and look for signs of corrosion on the batteries. The batteries and terminal wiring should be clean, new in appearance. If there're signs of corrosion, gray and green-colored films of gunk, then the terminals need cleaning. Also, even on seemingly clean batteries, the wire connections corrode where they connect to the battery terminals, so cleaning them several times a year is a good habit (unlike drinking beer while cleaning your wheelchair). Break out a box of baking soda, mix a dash in a cup of water, stir - don't shake! - and you'll then have the solution to safely clean your batteries using a tooth brush (again, it's probably not a good idea to use one from over the bathroom sink - that is, unless it's my visiting mother-in-law's).

Beer four.

You're on a roll - though, not literally, as your chair is now clean but torn to bits, and won't go back together, and you're starting to feel mildly drunk. Nonetheless, don't stop now.

Beer five.

Go through your chair's plugs and connectors, making sure all is secure. Check the wiring to see that it hasn't rubbed against a wheel or moving part, damaging the insulation. Look over the upholstery and safety straps, checking for rips, and tighten any hardware that is loose. Lastly, inspect the motors for excessive accumulations of grease around the drive shafts, which may show signs of motor problems.

Beer six.

Waxing the frame and painted surfaces with a car wax and polish like Turtle Wax will remove minor scratches, shine the finish, and protect the paint, making cleaning easier over the long haul.

Beer seven.

Beer eight.

There you have it - a Saturday afternoon and a twelve-pack of beer will help you avoid the grindage, keeping you sitting pretty and rolling straight through the sunny season. However, I can't assure you that Sunday morning you or your chair will feel or look on par.