In the wheelchair world, I hear the wildest stories, one of which recently where someone told me that a woman's power wheelchair was awarded to her husband in a dirty divorce. Now, I don't think the story is true, as no court would award a spouse's medical device to the non-disabled claimant in a divorce hearing. Nevertheless, it occurred to me that this story would make the best, saddest country song ever – and I was the only one who could write it:              He Stole My Heart, Then My Power Chair When we first met, I knew he was a flirt, But, the whiskey on his breath was sexy as dirt. Soon it was love, and things moved along, But, now all I'm left with is this saddest of song. When he left, I didn't think I'd care. But, then he got the pick-up truck – and my power chair. Now I'm left singin' this saddest of song, My rear in a lawn chair where it just don't belong. I told the judge 'bout all his affairs, The drinkin', the fightin', all the tramps over theres. But, the judge wouldn't hear it, a good ol' boy, of course, Where he awarded him the trailer, the velvet Elvis portrait, and even the horse. When he left, I didn't think I'd care. But, then he got the pick-up truck – and my power chair. Now I'm left singin' this saddest of song, My rear in a lawn chair where it just don't belong. What kind of judge would do this to me? I've got eyes like Loretta, a voice like Patsy, and a chest like Dolly. No, I can't walk, but that's no excuse. And, if my man comes back, my shotgun will let loose. When he left, I didn't think I'd care. But, then he got the pick-up truck – and my power chair. Now I'm left singin' this saddest of song, My rear in a lawn chair where it just don't belong. No, really, with sincerity, I wish him well, As him and his truck and my power chair drive straight into Hell. The bastard betrayed me, and that is the truth. But, I confess that I still love him like this jug of vermouth. When he left, I didn't think I'd care. But, then he got the pick-up truck – and my power chair. Now I'm left singin' this saddest of song, My rear in a lawn chair where it just don't belong. Lord let him come back with my power chair in tow, As until he does, I got nowhere to go. For now I'm left singin' this saddest of song, My rear in a lawn chair where it just don't belong. (Dedicated to all who not only have lost their true loves, but also their velvet Elvis portraits and power wheelchairs in the process.)

Published 5/2011, Copyright 2011, WheelchairJunkie.com